Being a woman is hard.
Why has the world taught us to hate ourself ?
Why does the world only feel it’s acceptable to have the perfect figure and perfect boobs and the most plump bottom?
Why has the world taught us that being confident in our skin is bad? Or that we are shamed or begging for attention when we are confident within ourself and have no problem showing that?
Why is it that hating ourself is easier than loving ourself?
Why should people feel bad for loving the body they are in? Because the world makes it so easy to hate yourself or feel uncomfortable with the skin your in. That’s why.
Why is it that if you have a nice body that your shamed for showing it?
Why is it that if you are a confident plus size woman your shamed for being confident in that?
This world is confusing and that’s why loving yourself to the point where opinions don’t matter is so damn important. Here’s why I love myself and I’m proud of the body I’m in and why you should love your damn self too.
Body acceptance and self love doesn’t mean you don’t want to change. It means loving yourself now and forever and working on where you want to be. That doesn’t mean you can’t rock a smoking hot bikini next summer because you aren’t the size or image the world expects you to be at that time or that you think you should be.
I texted multiple friends asking their thoughts on self love and the topic in general and they admitted that they struggled with it and they had no idea how to even talk about it because “what is self love” ? Self love seems to be a struggle for so many and better yet a long journey. It’s not easy to accept your flaws or accept yourself for who God made you to be. But it’s important to work on self love. Your journey to self acceptance isn’t going to be over night. Hell you may struggle with it most your life.
Self love isn’t always about body image either. Self love is so many things not just psychically but mentally and at the end of the day it’s who you are as a whole. Self love isn’t magically finding yourself. Because that’s not exactly how it works, you weren’t a quarter that you found at the bottom of your junk drawer, in fact.. you were never actually lost. Your ultimate true self is deep inside. Right there this entire time. The one you’re suppose to love with every ounce of your being for who you truly are. It’s all buried under the thoughts , opinions , and inaccurate conclusions of who you think you “need to be” or what you see on social media and “expect yourself to be”. Loving your true self is going to take some unlearning of what this cruel world has taught you that has made you question yourself in so many ways.
The problem isn’t within your body or within yourself. It’s the thoughts and things that you think about your body and self and how cruel you talk about them. It’s time to let go of who you think you are suppose to be and be who you truly are , whether that’s a size 22 or 0. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop feeling ashamed of where you are in life / about yourself. Stop not feeling good enough. Stop accepting the invite from your negative thoughts to the pity party for 1. Today is the day to release all negative , cruel , mean things that you think about yourself. You deserve love from the person who matters most… and guess who that is? YOU!
I can’t say my journey to loving myself was easy. In fact it was a work in process and once in awhile I struggle myself (I promise everyone will have their moments). It felt amazing to shed the feeling of thinking that I’m unworthy , not good enough, ugly etc. I started believing in my own strength and power and found a whole new deep love for me.. the true , real , hot mess express me.
Literally out of over 200 million sperm cells competing for life, you won the damn race and you my sweet friend are special as hell! You were already a winner with the first breath you took. So let’s dig deep, take a deep breath and go on this journey together.
Self love is a journey you decide to be on or not. Don’t get me wrong, we all get negative thoughts. Our negative thoughts could be as simple as hating how we look in a new swimsuit or comparing yourself to somebody else. But we have to focus on the good in every situation. So instead of thinking “wow I really am not going anywhere in life because I am not where that woman is in her corporate position” the solution is to focus on all the amazing things in your life (I promise if you have a roof over your head you are blessed ) because that very same person who’s spot you are wishing you were in could be wishing the same about the beautiful family you have built, while she couldn’t build it because she was so busy being at the top of her corporate job so she never had the time to create a family. Damn it.. comparitis is a disease and it’ll make you stay ill! Stay far away from it! It’ll make your journey with self acceptance so hard and it’ll spread through your mind like wild fire.
In the journey with self love and acceptance you need to forgive yourself and let go of past trauma. Let go of your past , the bad you have done, the bad people have done to you.
You have to realize you weren’t made to be perfect and nobody is perfect. I won’t lie , I myself love to hit every good angle with my selfies, I love my filters and four kids at home is chaotic. My life nor myself is perfect and neither are you. Accepting that is a big step. If you wait until you are perfect to start loving yourself than you’ll be waiting all your life. Let the thought of being a perfectionist go.
You need to start fixing what you feel needs to be fixed. What’s stopping you from loving yourself at this very moment? Is it because you have an extra 35 pounds till your goal weight? Is it because you feel you have no curves? Because you should love yourself in every ounce of your journey and it doesn’t mean you have to be the version of yourself you expect you to be at that very moment. What happens next? Change or acceptance?
You need to practice self care on this journey. Make time for yourself. Even as a busy college student , mom or wife. Self care and self love are besties.
Get to know who you really are and not who others expect you to be or want you to be. Who are you? What are your life goals? What are your values? Do not let social influence get in the way of your unique gifts and beauty!
You need to find people in your life that love you for you. Whether that’s on social media or in real life. You know? The people who love that you snort when you laugh, Or that you don’t have the perfect insta feed or that you totally have rocked the same shirt since high school.
Start using daily affirmations. You know why my husband is so obsessed with himself? He use to stand in the mirror naked and talk to himself in a very positive way. That’s such a vulnerable time for us. But if you stand there and tell yourself “you are perfect” “your boobs are amazing” “your nose is adorable” “my body is a work in progress but it’s so beautiful”.
No matter what your past looks like you are worthy of so much. Self acceptance isn’t an excuse for being lazy or allowing yourself to be stuck in your circumstances. Self love is accepting shortcomings, tendencies , weaknesses and strengths.
Your story isn’t over. There are beautiful parts of you waiting to be discovered. Love yourself through the journey , trust yourself and trust the process. You are a master piece and you are also the artist.
So as you go on this journey with loving yourself do not worry what others have to say about your confidence. Do not worry about rocking your swimsuit or finding the hottest piece of lingerie that’s never made you feel better! Remember you are in charge of your happiness. Do not let anything on the outside control that. Don’t give up the power to enjoy your best self! Peoples opinions aren’t your problem and are usually a reflection of themself and not you. Love yourself. Today is chapter one. You don’t have to write in permanent ink but be confident in your story that you’re making for yourself.
Love yourself on your bad days , good days , ugly days , lazy days , happy days and every damn day.
Your friend on her own self love journey.